1. “The moral of Snow White is never eat apples.” – Lemony Snicket
2. “People aren’t either wicked or noble. They’re like chef’s salads, with good things and bad things chopped and mixed together in a vinaigrette of confusion and conflict.” – Lemony Snicket
3. “A good library will never be too neat, or too dusty, because somebody will always be in it, taking books off the shelves and staying up late reading them.” – Lemony Snicket
4. “A great man once said that right, temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant.” – Lemony Snicket
5. “Memento Mori’ means ‘Remember you will die.” – Lemony Snicket
6. “There is no worse sound in the world than someone who cannot play the violin but insists on doing so anyway.” – Lemony Snicket
7. “Anyone who thinks the pen is mightier than the sword has not been stabbed with both.” – Lemony Snicket
8. “Fight Fire with Fire.” – Lemony Snicket
9. “I’m sure you have heard it said that appearance does not matter so much and that it is what’s on the inside that counts. This is, of course, utter nonsense, because if it were true then people who were good on this inside would never have to comb their hair or take a bath, and the whole world would smell even worse than it already does.” – Lemony Snicket
10. “Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don’t always like.” – Lemony Snicket
11. “Friends can make you feel that the world is smaller and less sneaky than it really is, because you know people who have similar experiences.” – Lemony Snicket
12. “Grammar is the greatest joy in life, don’t you find?” – Lemony Snicket
13. “Tragedies are stories that usually begin fairly happily and then steadily go downhill, until all of the characters are dead, wounded, or otherwise inconvenienced.” – Lemony Snicket
14. “This is my knife. It is very sharp and very eager to hurt you.” – Lemony Snicket
15. “It looked exhausting and pointless, two things that should be avoided at all costs” – Lemony Snicket
16. “It takes years for the land to recuperate from a fire, but even in the darkest of ashes eventually something can grow.” – Lemony Snicket
17. “A successful villain should have all these things at his or her villainous fingertips, or else give up villainy altogether and try to lead a life of decency, integrity, and kindness, which is much more challenging and noble, if not always quite as exciting.” – Lemony Snicket
18. “This toast feels raw. Is it safe to eat raw toast?” – Lemony Snicket
19. “Wicked people never have time for reading. It’s one of the reasons for their wickedness.” – Lemony Snicket
20. “It is difficult, when faced with a situation you cannot control, to admit you can do nothing.” – Lemony Snicket
21. “Someone feeling wronged is like someone feeling thirsty. Don’t tell them they aren’t. Sit with them and have a drink.” – Lemony Snicket
22. “Siblings that say they never fight are most definitely hiding something” – Lemony Snicket
23. “Those unable to catalog the past are doomed to repeat it.” – Lemony Snicket
24. “There are two kinds of fears: rational and irrational- or in simpler terms, fears that make sense and fears that don’t.” – Lemony Snicket
25. “I never want to be away from you again, except at work, in the restroom or when one of us is at a movie the other does not want to see.” – Lemony Snicket
26. “I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you every Tuesday.” – Lemony Snicket
27. “Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator.” – Lemony Snicket
28. “Being noble enough is all we can ask for in this world.” – Lemony Snicket
29. “Grinning is something you do when you are entertained in some way, such as reading a good book or watching someone you don’t care for spill orange soda all over himself.” – Lemony Snicket
30. “It is always tedious when someone tells you that if you don’t stop crying, they will give you something to cry about, because if you are crying then you already have something to cry about, and so there is no reason for them to give you anything additional to cry about, thank you very much.” – Lemony Snicket
31. “The thing you hope will never happen to you might just happen to someone else instead, who has been spending their life dreading the thing that will happen to you.” – Lemony Snicket
32. “I’m afraid that’s the wicked way of the world. Everything’s covered in smoke and mirrors.” – Lemony Snicket
33. “One of the most difficult things to think about in life is one’s regrets. Something will happen to you, and you will do the wrong thing, and for years afterward you will wish you had done something different.” – Lemony Snicket
34. “When things don’t go right, go left.” – Lemony Snicket
35. “Life never end when you are in it.” – Lemony Snicket
36. “Dead women tell no tales. Sad men write them down.” – Lemony Snicket
37. “Just because you don’t understand it doesn’t mean it isn’t so.” – Lemony Snicket
38. “How does anyone know anything about anything? I read it, of course!” – Lemony Snicket
39. “Nobody wants to fall into a safety net, because it means the structure in which they’ve been living is in a state of collapse and they have no choice but to tumble downwards. However, it beats the alternative.” – Lemony Snicket
40. “Just because something is traditional is no reason to do it, of course. Piracy, for example, is a tradition that has been carried on for hundreds of years, but that doesn’t mean we should all attack ships and steal their gold.” – Lemony Snicket
41. “It is likely I will die next to a pile of things I was meaning to read.” – Lemony Snicket
42. “Depressed” is a word that often describes somebody who is feeling sad and gloomy, but in this case it describes a secret button, hidden in a crow statue, that is feeling just fine, thank you.” – Lemony Snicket
43. “Your initial opinion on just about anything may change over time.” – Lemony Snicket
44. “If we wait until we’re ready, we’ll be waiting for the rest of our lives.” – Lemony Snicket
45. “When someone is crying, of course, the noble thing to do is to comfort them. But if someone is trying to hide their tears, it may also be noble to pretend you do not notice them.” – Lemony Snicket
46. “Tears are curious things, for like earthquakes or puppet shows, they can occur at any time, without any warning and without any good reason.” – Lemony Snicket
47. “It is not very polite to interrupt a person, of course, but sometimes if the person is very unpleasant you can hardly stop yourself.” – Lemony Snicket
48. “Waiting is one of life’s hardships.” – Lemony Snicket
49. “I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed this, but first impressions are often entirely wrong.” – Lemony Snicket
50. “I suppose I’ll have to add the force of gravity to my list of enemies.” – Lemony Snicket
51. “Normally it is not polite to go into somebody’s room without knocking, but you can make an exception if the person is dead, or pretending to be dead.” – Lemony Snicket
52. “Most schools have a loud system of loud bells, which startle the students and teachers at regular intervals and remind them that time is passing even more slowly than it seems.” – Lemony Snicket
53. “It is always sad when someone leaves home, unless they are simply going around the corner and will return in a few minutes with ice cream sandwiches.” – Lemony Snicket
54. “If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats.” – Lemony Snicket
55. “They didn’t understand it, but like so many unfortunate events in life, just because you don’t understand it doesn’t mean it isn’t so.” – Lemony Snicket
56. “Arguing with somebody is never pleasant, but sometimes it is useful and necessary to do so.” – Lemony Snicket
57. “Of course, it is boring to read about boring thing, but it is better to read something that makes you yawn with boredom than something that will make you weep uncontrollably, pound your fists against the floor, and leave tearstains all over your pillowcase, sheets, and boomerang collection.” – Lemony Snicket
58. “Sometimes, just saying that you hate something, and having someone agree with you, can make you feel better about a terrible situation.” – Lemony Snicket
59. “Don’t repeat yourself. It’s not only repetitive, it’s redundant, and people have heard it before.” – Lemony Snicket
60. “People don’t always get what they deserve in this world.” – Lemony Snicket
61. “All nights are dark days, because night is simply a badly lit version of day.” – Lemony Snicket
62. “Oftentimes. when people are miserable, they will want to make other people miserable, too. But it never helps.” – Lemony Snicket
63. “You would run much slower if you were dragging something behind you, like a knapsack or a sheriff.” – Lemony Snicket
64. “Whenever you are examining someone else’s belongings, you are bound to learn many interesting things about the person of which you were not previously aware.” – Lemony Snicket
65. “Assumptions are dangerous things to make, and like all dangerous things to make — bombs, for instance, or strawberry shortcake — if you make even the tiniest mistake you can find yourself in terrible trouble.” – Lemony Snicket
66. “Sometimes, even in the most unfortunate of lives, there will occur a moment or two of good fortune.” – Lemony Snicket
67. “All cannot be lost when there is still so much being found.” – Lemony Snicket
68. “The sea is nothing but a library of all the tears in history.” – Lemony Snicket
69. “A very long time ago, my brother and I played a game each morning while we waited for the school bus to arrive. We called the game Beethoven, and my sister refused to play because she thought it was inane. “Inane” is a word which here means that my brother and I would pretend we couldn’t hear each other very well while we were talking.” – Lemony Snicket
70. “There are many, many types of books in the world, which makes good sense, because there are many, many types of people, and everybody wants to read something different.” – Lemony Snicket
71. “Today was a very cold and bitter day, as cold and bitter as a cup of hot chocolate, if the cup of hot chocolate had vinegar added to it and were placed in a refrigerator for several hours.” – Lemony Snicket
72. “But I must admit I miss you terribly. The world is too quiet without you nearby.” – Lemony Snicket
73. “Just because something is traditional is no reason to do it, of course.” – Lemony Snicket
74. “I know that having a good vocabulary doesn’t guarantee that I’m a good person, but it does mean I’ve read a great deal. And in my experience, well-read people are less likely to be evil.” – Lemony Snicket
75. “In the meantime, it is best to grab what wonderful moments you find lying around.” – Lemony Snicket
76. “The key to good eavesdropping is not getting caught.” – Lemony Snicket
77. “But your imaginings would be ersatz, as all imaginings are.” – Lemony Snicket
78. “In love, as in life, one misheard word can be tremendously important. If you tell someone you love them, for instance, you must be absolutely certain that they have replied “I love you back” and not “I love your back” before you continue the conversation.” – Lemony Snicket
79. “Never trust anyone who has not brought a book with them.” – Lemony Snicket
80. “In my experience, Well-read people are less likely to be evil.” – Lemony Snicket
81. “A passport, as I’m sure you know, is a document that one shows to government officials whenever one reaches a border between two countries, so that the official can learn who you are, where you were born, and how you look when photographed unflatteringly.” – Lemony Snicket
82. “Instead of the word ‘love’ there was an enormous heart, a symbol sometimes used by people who have trouble figuring out the difference between words and shapes.” – Lemony Snicket
83. “Reading is one form of escape. Running for your life is another.” – Lemony Snicket
84. “A library is like an island in the middle of a vast sea of ignorance, particularly if the library is very tall and the surrounding area has been flooded.” – Lemony Snicket
85. “Well-read people are less likely to be evil.” – Lemony Snicket
86. “Nobody can teach you how to like something. You can like it, or you can pretend to like it, in order to make someone happy.” – Lemony Snicket
87. “One of the remarkable things about love is that, despite very irritating people writing poems and songs about how pleasant it is, it really is quite pleasant.” – Lemony Snicket
88. “But the sad truth is that the truth is sad, and what you want does not matter.” – Lemony Snicket
89. “The sad truth is the truth is sad.” – Lemony Snicket
90. “Who knows what any of those people or fish would do in our shoes?” Violet said. “It’s impossible to know.” – Lemony Snicket
91. “I go to bed early and rise late and feel as if I have hardly slept, probably because I have been reading almost the entire time.” – Lemony Snicket
92. “I’m not a math tutor,” I said. “I don’t feel the need to check your work.” – Lemony Snicket
93. “If you have ever had a miserable experience, then you have probably had it said to you that you would feel better in the morning. This, of course, is utter nonsense, because a miserable experience remains a miserable experience even on the loveliest of morning.” – Lemony Snicket
94. “There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you, and there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.” – Lemony Snicket
95. “If writers wrote as carelessly as some people talk, then adhasdh asdglaseuyt[bn[ pasdlgkhasdfasdf.” – Lemony Snicket
96. “The last safe place is safe no more.” – Lemony Snicket
97. “There are some people who believe that home is where one hangs one’s hat, but these people tend to live in closets and on little pegs.” – Lemony Snicket
98. “Everybody will die, but very few people want to be reminded of that fact.” – Lemony Snicket
99. “Can’t we sleep ten minutes more? I was having a lovely dream about sneezing without covering my mouth, and giving everybody germs.” – Lemony Snicket
100. “If you have ever lost a loved one, then you know exactly how it feels. And if you have not, then you cannot possibly imagine it.” – Lemony Snicket