Moving to a new city together is one of the biggest things a couple can do. It’s exciting and terrifying in equal measure, and most couples spend more time researching apartments than they do actually talking about what they both want from this move.
Not just the logistics. The real stuff. Who is sacrificing more? What does each of you actually need to feel settled? What happens if one of you loves it and the other doesn’t? What are you both leaving behind that you haven’t properly grieved yet?
These 103 questions are for before the boxes get packed. Ask them now while there’s still room to be honest, to adjust the plan, and to make sure you’re both moving toward the same thing.
A Note Before You Start
Some of these questions are practical. Some go deeper than that. Do the practical ones together over coffee. Save the harder ones for a quieter moment. The goal isn’t to find reasons not to go. It’s to make sure when you get there, you both actually land well.
Questions to Ask Before You Even Book the Movers
These are the foundational ones. Before anything is decided, make sure you both actually want the same thing from this move.
1. Are you genuinely excited about this or just going along with it?
2. What’s the main reason we’re doing this, for you personally?
3. Do we both want this equally or is one of us more on board?
4. Tell me one thing about this move that scares you.
5. Is there something holding you back that you haven’t said yet?
6. Are we moving toward something or running from something?
7. Have you thought about what you’d regret more, going or not going?
8. Do you feel like we’ve talked about this enough?
9. Is any part of you still not fully sure about this?
10. Out of everything, what’s the one thing that excites you most?
11. Are we both ready for this to be harder than we expect?
Questions About the City You’re Choosing
The city you pick isn’t just a location. It’s going to shape your daily life, your mood, your friendships, and your relationship. These questions make sure you’re choosing it for the right reasons.
12. What actually drew you to this city?
13. Have you spent enough time there to know what living there is like?
14. What does this city offer that where we live now doesn’t?
15. Do you have people there already or are we starting completely fresh?
16. Is this the city you actually want or just the easiest choice?
17. Picture your ideal daily life there. What does it look like?
18. Is there anything about this city you’re worried won’t work for you?
19. What would make this city actually feel like home to you?
20. Have you thought about the cost of living there vs here?
21. Do you know enough about the neighborhoods to make a good choice?
22. Long term or temporary, which is this for you?
23. Is this city a good fit for both of us or mainly for one of us?
Questions About the Practical Stuff
Not romantic but necessary. These are the questions couples skip and then fight about three months in.
24. Are we actually financially ready for this?
25. Do we have enough saved to cover the rough start?
26. Tell me your biggest money worry about this move.
27. Have we actually sat down and worked out the numbers?
28. Which practical thing haven’t we actually sorted yet?
29. Are we moving with jobs lined up or figuring it out when we get there?
30. Do we agree on what we can afford to spend on rent?
31. Is one of us giving up income for this and are we okay with that?
32. Have we talked about what happens if one of us can’t find work?
33. When it comes to money, are we really on the same page?
34. In the first three months there, what does the real budget look like?
35. Do we have a financial backup plan if things don’t go smoothly?
36. Is there anything about the money side of this you’re avoiding?
Questions About What You’re Each Leaving Behind
Every move has a cost. Knowing what each of you is actually giving up makes the hard moments easier to understand when they come.
37. What are you going to miss most about here?
38. Is there anyone back here you’ll struggle to be far from?
39. What’s the hardest thing to leave behind?
40. Do you feel like you’ve properly said goodbye to this chapter?
41. Are you running toward this city or away from something here?
42. Have you talked to the people who matter most about us leaving?
43. Think about your support system here. How do you plan to replace that?
44. Is there something you’re leaving behind that you wish you weren’t?
45. For you, what will be hardest to rebuild over there?
46. Do you think you’ll want to come back eventually?
47. Are we leaving at the right time for you?
48. Does leaving feel like a betrayal to anyone in your life?
Questions About What You’re Both Hoping to Find There
Moving isn’t just about leaving. It’s about what you’re walking toward. These questions make sure you both know what that actually is.
49. What are you hoping this move gives you that you don’t have now?
50. When will you know this move was worth it?
51. Picture your best life there. What’s actually in it?
52. Is there a version of yourself you’re hoping to become over there?
53. Do you have dreams for this move that you haven’t fully told me yet?
54. A year from now, what do you want to look different in your life?
55. How will you know this was the right call?
56. Is there something you want to build there that you can’t here?
57. Have you thought about what kind of community you want to find?
58. Do you want to live differently over there than we do now?
59. Are your expectations for this move actually realistic?
60. Out of everything, what are you most hopeful about?
Questions for When the New City Gets Hard
And it will get hard. Every move has a rough patch. These questions prepare you for that before it hits.
61. How do you usually cope when you feel out of place somewhere?
62. Realistically, how long do you think it takes you to feel settled?
63. Do you know your own warning signs when you’re struggling to adjust?
64. What would actually make you want to go back?
65. Have we talked about what counts as giving it a fair chance?
66. Is there a point where you’d admit it isn’t working?
67. Think about the lonely phase. How do you need me to show up?
68. What’s the hardest part of starting over somewhere new for you?
69. Do you need space when you’re adjusting or do you need more of me?
70. How long does it usually take you to settle into a new place?
71. Is there anything we could do now to make the hard part easier?
72. Have we agreed on how long we’ll give it before we reassess?
Questions About Your Relationship Through the Move
Moves put pressure on relationships. Not because the love changes but because stress does. These questions are about protecting what you have through all of it.
73. How do you usually act when you’re stressed and things go sideways?
74. Do you think this move will bring us closer or test us?
75. What do you need most from me during this whole process?
76. Have we talked about what to do if one of us thrives and one doesn’t?
77. Do you think we’ll need more patience with each other than usual?
78. Could how we handle conflict get worse under this kind of pressure?
79. Think about us six months in. What do you want it to feel like?
80. What does feeling supported actually look like to you during this?
81. Has all this planning already put any strain on us?
82. Have we made time for us in the middle of all the planning?
83. Do you feel like we’re a real team in how we’re approaching this?
84. What do you most want to protect about us through this?
Questions About Your Life Together Over There
Practical romance. These questions are about building a life together, not just moving into an apartment together.
85. Growing up, what made a place feel like home to you?
86. Do we actually picture the same daily life over there?
87. Have we talked about how we’ll meet people and build a social life?
88. What kind of life do you actually want us to build there?
89. Do you want to explore together or are you okay doing some of it solo?
90. A year in, what does a regular week together actually look like?
91. Is there anything about how we live now you want to change there?
92. What makes a place feel like home to you?
93. Is this the first time we’re really fully living together?
94. Have we talked about dividing responsibilities once we’re there?
95. Do you have a vision for our space or are you easy about it?
Questions You Need Honest Answers To
These are the ones most couples avoid. Ask them anyway.
96. What’s your biggest fear about this whole thing?
97. What would make you want to come back permanently?
98. If this goes wrong, what does that actually look like?
99. Do you think we’re doing this for the right reasons?
100. Is there a version of this where one of us ends up resentful?
101. Are we both equally committed to making this work?
102. Have we talked about what we do if one of us genuinely hates it there?
103. What do you need me to know before we actually go?
Final Thoughts
Moving to a new city together is a leap. Make sure you’re both jumping.
Ask the hard questions now so you can enjoy the landing together.