23 Billy Madison Quotes That Everyone Should Read
1. “It’s too damn hot for a penguin to be just walkin’ around here.” ~ Billy Madison
2. “Hey kids, it’s me! I bet you thought that I was dead! But when I fell over I just broke my leg and got a hemorrhage in my head!” ~ Billy Madison
3. “If you’re going to stay home today, you can help me shave my armpits.” ~ Juanita
4. “Couch. C-o-r- you going to the mall later?” ~ Billy Madison
5. “Sometimes I feel like an idiot. But I am an idiot, so it kinda works out.” ~ Billy Madison
6. “Remember that spelling bee you won in the first grade? Rock: r-o-k?” ~ Brian Madison
7. “The part of the story I don’t like is that the little boy gave up looking for Happy after an hour. He didn’t put posters up or anything, he just sat on the porch like a goon and waited. That little boy’s gotta think, “You got a pet. You got a responsibility.” If your dog is lost you don’t look for an hour then call it quits.” ~ Billy Madison
8. “If peeing in your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis.”—Old Farm Lady
9. “When I graduated from first grade, all my dad did was tell me to get a job.”—Frank
10. “Of course I peed my pants, everyone my age pees their pants. It’s the coolest. Shampoo is better. I go on first and clean the hair. Conditioner is better. I leave the hair silky and smooth. Oh, really, fool? Really.” ~ Billy Madison
11. “Don’t tell me my business, devil woman!” ~ Old Man Clemens
12. “Oh, Billy Billy boy. When are you gonna find whatever it is you’re looking for?” ~ Brian Madison
13. “Don’t you say that. Don’t you ever say that. Stay here. Stay as long as you can.” ~ Billy Madison
14. “No, I will not make out with you. Did ya hear that? This girl wants to make out with me in the middle of class. You got Chlorophyll Man up there talking about God knows what and all she can talk about is making out with me. I’m here to learn, everybody, not to make out with you. Go on with the Chlorophyll.” ~ Billy Madison
15. “Well, “sorry” doesn’t put the Triscuit crackers in my stomach now, does it Karl?”—Eric
16. “Have some more sloppy Joes. I made ’em extra sloppy for yous. I know how yous kids like ’em sloppy.”—Lunch Lady
17. “Tallahoo-hoo. Sabadoo.” ~ Billy Madison
18. “No milk will ever be our milk.” ~ Veronica
19. “Chlorophyll? More like bore-ophyll.” ~ Billy Madison
20. “Feel those kicks? He’s gonna be a soccer player. He is. He iiii-iissss!” ~ Billy Madison
21. “I am the smartest man alive!” ~ Billy Madison
22. “Who the hell is it? What do you want? Judas Priest, Barabara, it’s one of those flaming bags again.” ~ Old Man Clemens
23. “You were brought up with every advantage, I bought you everything. Toys, cars, vacations, clothes…” – Brian Madison
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