45 Greatest Hangover Quotes That Are Hilarious To Read
1. “Oh, my God! That is my tooth! Why do you have that? What else is in your pockets?” ~ Stu
2. “Okay, kids. You’re in for a real treat today. These gentlemen have kindly volunteered to demonstrate how a stun gun is used to subdue a suspect. That’s right.” ~ Officer Franklin
3. “Whose f**king baby is that?” ~ Phil
4. “To a night the four of us will never forget!” ~ Phil
5. “Jesus, he’s like a gremlin. Comes with instructions and shit.” ~ Phil
6. “Don’t worry about it, man. Like you said, we all do dumb shit when we’re f**ked up.” ~ Mike Tyson
7. “I don’t know, Phil. Apparently, I’m a guy who marries complete strangers. This whole situation is completely f**ked. These mugs. This hat.” ~ Stu
8. “Remember what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. Except for herpes. That shit’ll come back with you.” ~ Sid
9. “And we’re the three best friends that anybody could have.” ~ Alan
10. “What do tigers dream of when they take their little tiger snooze? Do they dream of mauling zebras, or Halle Berry in her Catwoman suit?” ~ Stu
11. “Yeah, we’re stuck in traffic in a stolen police car with what is sure to be a missing child in the back seat. Which part of this is fun?” ~ Stu
12. “You’re such a bad person. Like, all the way through to your core! Alan, shall we dance?” ~ Stu
13. “Ew! Alan, did you just eat sofa pizza?” ~ Stu
14. “Oh, my God! Oh, my God! You just nailed the baby.” ~ Stu
15. “I look like a nerdy hillbilly!” ~ Stu
16. “What’s the problem? We’re just riding an elevator. Why, is this Jeopardy? What the f**k is this bullshit!” ~ Phil
17. “I do. It’s at the corner of ‘Get A Map and F**k Off’. I’m a doctor, not a tour guide. Figure it out yourself, okay? You’re big boys.” ~ Dr. Valsh
18. “There’s a jungle cat in the bathroom!” ~ Alan
19. “You are literally too stupid to insult.” ~ Stu
20. “I can’t believe I gave my grandmother’s Holocaust ring to someone I just met. What was I thinking?” ~ Stu
21. “Let’s just get some coffee and get the f**k out of Nevada before housekeeping shows.” ~ Phil
22. “Wow! You are the world’s shittiest drug dealer.” ~ Stu
23. “Gambling? Who said anything about gambling? It’s not gambling when you know you’re going to win. Counting cards is a foolproof system.” ~ Alan
24. “Whatever happens tonight, I won’t ever speak a word of it. Seriously. I don’t care what happens. I don’t care if we kill someone. You heard me, it’s Sin City.” ~ Alan
25. “Would you please put some pants on? I feel weird having to ask you twice.” ~ Phil
26. “By the way, we’re all gonna die.” ~ Stu
27. “You know what, Doug? You should enjoy yourself because come Sunday you’re going to start dying, just a little bit, every day.” ~ Phil
28. “Don’t let the beard fool you. He’s a child!” ~ Stu
29. “Would you shut up and drive before these nerds ask me another question?” ~ Phil
30. “There you go. That’s the stuff. I like the intensity. Eye of the tiger. Good. You’re holding fifty thousand volts, little man. Don’t be afraid to ride the lightning.” ~ Officer Franklin
31. “Whoa, whoa, whoa! I’m a schoolteacher, I got a family, okay? I’m all for secrecy, but I’m not going to torch a f**king cop car.” ~ Phil
32. “Phil, we’re not even going to be in the room. It’s one night, we can share beds. It’s no big deal.” ~ Stu
33. “It’s rock, paper, scissors. There’s nothing more fair.” ~ Phil
34. “Phil, we’re not going to leave a baby in the room, there’s a f**king tiger in the bathroom!” ~ Stu
35. “Toodooloo, motherf**ker!” ~ Mr. Chow
36. “Four of us wolves, wandering the desert together in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine.” ~ Alan
37. “Hey, Phil, am I missing a tooth?” ~ Stu
38. “What are you talking about? I’ve found a baby before.” ~ Alan
39. “To a night the four of us will never forget!” ~ Phil
40. “You know, everyone says Mike Tyson is such a badass, but I think he’s kind of a sweetheart.” ~ Stu
41. “Oh! Holy f**k! He’s not kidding! There’s a tiger in there!” ~ Phil
42. “Why are you peppering the steak? You don’t know if tigers like pepper.” ~ Stu
43. “It’d be so cool if I could breastfeed, you know?” ~ Alan
44. “I’m sorry, you mean the drug dealer at the liquor store wasn’t a good guy?” ~ Stu
45. “You know, I just have to say I have never seen a more beautiful, elegant, just regal creature.” ~ Phil
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